i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
