Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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