I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
