Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
