while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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