I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
