I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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