i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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