She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
