Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
