I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
