Have you finally orgasmed yet?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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