It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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