On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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