In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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