Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
