You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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