it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
