you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
