so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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