I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
