he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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