She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
