ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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