you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
