Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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