Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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