I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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