what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
