yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
