You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's rum buckets o'clock
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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