I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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