She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
