She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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