return my video game
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
