I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
