to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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