Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
