oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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