I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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