Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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