So drunk its hurt
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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