You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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