your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
