My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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