You're so nebulous sometimes
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
