and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There r osticjed everywhere
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize