dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
