is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
