We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
