Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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