Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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