Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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