dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We talked him into tasing himself.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
