At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
