i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
