Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
