he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
