bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
