Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
