i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
