I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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