You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
