my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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