Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
