Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
