so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just sent this text using only my big toe
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
