im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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