he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize