I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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