sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
