So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
