Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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