Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
