there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize