I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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