he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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