I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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