can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
