i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
